We're busy touching 'til we're dizzy stupid.

Wed, 31 May 2006 22:42:57 GMT

I've decided that I'm done with writing in here.
It causes far too much trouble.

Instead, just expect comments & shit.
Caring about your life won't get me into trouble.

Spying disgusts me.

Wed, 21 Dec 2005 05:31:42 GMT

"I wish you could put your ear up to my heart and hear how much I love you."

Tue, 06 Dec 2005 23:33:01 GMT

You're not you, you're not you anymore.

That is the definition of what I am.
It's sad.

Mon, 05 Dec 2005 08:50:17 GMT

Guess who hates drama more than anything?
You guessed right.

I never wanted this.
I shut my mouth.
I didn't provoke her.
I even defended her.
I said she was gorgeous.
I respect(ed) her.
I just wish she knew that.

& him?
Well, he's..
I don't even want to discuss it.

I am sick.
I wish I could be done with this scene.
Literally.

EVERYONE KNOWS EVERYONE & EVERYTHING. EVERYONE FUCKS WITH EVERYONE. EVERYONE HOOKS UP WITH EVERYONE. EVERYONE FUCKS EVERYONE. EVERYONE DATES EVERYONE. EVERYONE FINDS OUT ABOUT IT. EVERYONE TALKS ABOUT IT. WE'RE ALL CONNECTED & WE ALL HIDE THINGS & TALK SHIT & HONESTLY, I HAVE NEVER, EVER BEEN SO MORE FED UP WITH ANYTHING IN MY SHORT LIFE.

I want this all to be done. Finished.
I know it won't be, though, because I know women.
Jesus fucking Christ.

Let it be over.

Sun, 04 Dec 2005 20:33:54 GMT

Sun, 27 Nov 2005 00:28:27 GMT

I ♥ Belleville!

Fri, 25 Nov 2005 16:52:14 GMT

"You get me out of the rain,
you get me out of my clothes.
You hope I don't make a sound,
you hope that nobody knows."

Fri, 25 Nov 2005 03:16:57 GMT

I should definitely stop liking him & missing him, but eh.. where's the satisfaction in that?

This cannot be helped.
Bloody hell.

Sun, 20 Nov 2005 11:41:55 GMT

ANYONE WILL DO TONIGHT, ANYONE WILL DO TONIGHT!

Wed, 16 Nov 2005 23:44:34 GMT

You can just call me Meredith "BACTERIAL INFECTION" Miklasz.
Misery.

Tue, 15 Nov 2005 21:12:32 GMT

I might have mono. Fucking great.

I don't think life could get worse.
I'm waiting for my house to burn down or someone to die.

Hope it's me!

Mon, 14 Nov 2005 09:47:09 GMT

Who the fuck am I kidding?
No one.

I won't rest until I forget about it, I won't rest until I don't care, I won't rest until I forget about it, I won't rest until I don't care, la la la la la la la la la..

Sat, 12 Nov 2005 06:08:41 GMT

I'm so, so tired of people talking shit.
It's not even funny.

I swear, the only solution to this problem is to, like.. stop having a social life.
Everything I do is reported & passed around.

I'm sick of it.
If I respect your privacy, respect mine.
THANKS.

Sun, 06 Nov 2005 15:39:31 GMT

jkljghdfuihgudfgyhdkfgjsdfjghjssklhjsklhy73584

AMAZING!

Fri, 04 Nov 2005 05:23:12 GMT

Basically, I've become a starving African child.
I don't eat.
I'm losing weight.
It's.. fine?

Right now, however, I am hungry.
It's easy to resist.
It's easy to lie & say that, also.

I just think to myself "He likes skinny girls", but then feel quite pathetic afterwards.
Fuck English projects.

The Jealous Sound makes me feel delightful, so does the thought of seeing Marcus on Saturday, alone, for more than two hours, with no music playing in the background. Just zombie movies.

To fall in love, you get to fuck
So who's the whore?
Who's the whore?

Thu, 03 Nov 2005 09:33:59 GMT

For a minute there, I lost myself.. I lost myself.. I lost myself.

Tue, 01 Nov 2005 23:31:07 GMT

The more I hang out with him, the less attracted I am to him.
So, at this point, I like him only as a friend & don't want to make out anymore.

V IS FOR VICTORY!

I've realized that I'm a shitty person to everyone I don't truly care about,
but I'm sick of being treated like shit by the one person I do everything for,
among other people.

I just want a reason to grin nonstop again, & I don't know where to look for it, so I look everywhere.
Needless to say, I'm in an odd mood.

Make it stop.

Mon, 17 Oct 2005 08:28:51 GMT

As we walked around my neighbourhood, looking at all the gigantic houses, we imagined lives for ourselves. Better lives. Elegant lives. More fulfilling and lacking constant heartbreak. Lives of doctor’s wives and soccer moms and the assorted occupations of a slow life that appeal to us. And why?
The lives we now lead reek of turmoil, disdain, and overall lack of enthusiasm. Switch places with my lovelorn mind and body, because I want your three beautiful children, your successful husband, your Lexus, and your khakis. I want your happiness, the kind that took many of your years to develop. The kind of happiness that I’m too impatient and needy to wait for.
I’m sick of being me, in my world. Give me yours. Make a young girl’s life better. The ultimate act of charity. At least you’d feel good, without the pills.

Tue, 11 Oct 2005 05:03:57 GMT

& it felt just like falling in love..

VRAI!

Sat, 17 Sep 2005 08:05:20 GMT

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it.

In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Uhh..

Sun, 11 Sep 2005 05:25:00 GMT

There's kind of only one thing that matters anymore.
Well, make that two.

One is a boy named Joey.
One is a girl named Hannah.

Everything else is give or take.
School = content.
Family = content.
Friends = content.
Life = content.. but oh-so-enthralling when I'm looking into his eyes. Smiling. Always smiling.

Meditations in an Emergency

Sun, 28 Aug 2005 02:12:57 GMT

"Am I to become profligate as if I were a blonde? Or religious
as if I were French?

Each time my heart is broken it makes me feel more adventurous
(and how the same names keep recurring on that interminable
list!), but one of these days there'll be nothing left with
which to venture forth.

Why should I share you? Why don't you get rid of someone else
for a change?

I am the least difficult of men. All I want is boundless love.

Even trees understand me! Good heavens, I lie under them, too,
don't I? I'm just like a pile of leaves.

However, I have never clogged myself with the praises of
pastoral life, nor with nostalgia for an innocent past of
perverted acts in pastures. No. One need never leave the
confines of New York to get all the greenery one wishes--I can't
even enjoy a blade of grass unless i know there's a subway
handy, or a record store or some other sign that people do not
totally _regret_ life. It is more important to affirm the
least sincere; the clouds get enough attention as it is and
even they continue to pass. Do they know what they're missing?
Uh huh.

My eyes are vague blue, like the sky, and change all the time;
they are indiscriminate but fleeting, entirely specific and
disloyal, so that no one trusts me. I am always looking away.
Or again at something after it has given me up. It makes me
restless and that makes me unhappy, but I cannot keep them
still. If only i had grey, green, black, brown, yellow eyes; I
would stay at home and do something. It's not that I'm
curious. On the contrary, I am bored but it's my duty to be
attentive, I am needed by things as the sky must be above the
earth. And lately, so great has _their_ anxiety become, I can
spare myself little sleep.

Now there is only one man I like to kiss when he is unshaven.
Heterosexuality! you are inexorably approaching. (How best
discourage her?)

St. Serapion, I wrap myself in the robes of your whiteness
which is like midnight in Dostoevsky. How I am to become a
legend, my dear? I've tried love, but that holds you in the
bosom of another and I'm always springing forth from it like
the lotus--the ecstasy of always bursting forth! (but one must
not be distracted by it!) or like a hyacinth, "to keep the
filth of life away," yes, even in the heart, where the filth is
pumped in and slanders and pollutes and determines. I will my
will, though I may become famous for a mysterious vacancy in
that department, that greenhouse.

Destroy yourself, if you don't know!

It is easy to be beautiful; it is difficult to appear so. I
admire you, beloved, for the trap you've set. It's like a
final chapter no one reads because the plot is over.

"Fanny Brown is run away--scampered off with a Cornet of Horse;
I do love that little Minx, & hope She may be happy, tho' She
has vexed me by this exploit a little too.--Poor silly
Cecchina! or F:B: as we used to call her.--I wish She had a
good Whipping and 10,000 pounds."--Mrs. Thrale

I've got to get out of here. I choose a piece of shawl and my
dirtiest suntans. I'll be back, I'll re-emerge, defeated, from
the valley; you don't want me to go where you go, so I go where
you don't want me to. It's only afternoon, there's a lot
ahead. There won't be any mail downstairs. Turning, I spit in
the lock and the knob turns."

Oh my fucking god, that is right next to "This Be the Verse" in terms of godliness. I'm in love.

Oops..

Sat, 13 Aug 2005 14:41:15 GMT

I have a hunch that I forgot to pack my fucking camera. I am flipping the fuck out.

..& it's not because I took 1 Adderall & 2 diet pills & am immensely cracked out in a Whitney Houston-esque way.

You can cremate me for this..

Sat, 13 Aug 2005 13:34:40 GMT

The plane is leaving at 1:40, it is now 8:24, & I'm all ready to go.
I even re-organized everything in my suitcase.
GASP! ME! OF ALL PEOPLE!
I had an hour-long talk with Kirsten at 5 in the morning.
I love her. I do, I do, I do.
I am so happy that they finally set a date (May 6th) & that it's actually going to happen. They're getting married in Ocean City, where we're going to vacation in a few hours..

She's so funny & doesn't attempt to be motherly at all. Yet she's not some ditz trying to be my best friend.. we have intelligent, fun conversations. They always make me smile. She surrounds my father & I with nothing but positive attention.

There is not a better woman on this earth for Bernie Miklasz.

David & Tyler are going to the airport as well to pick up a friend. That'll be amusing to see them.. David says that he's going to act like a complete stalker-esque, obsessed fan when he sees my dad. & I'm going to blush, because we have a massive sexual history. & that, naturally, is the way I always act around him.

I saw "The Aristocrats" with Joey last night. I met two of his friends.. they're funny. Like him. He's so adorable. The movie was naughty.. meaning I loved it. He sent me the sweetest text, saying that he'd love to be cuddling with me. It's better the way he phrased it, but I don't want to go through all of my texts & find it.

Word, nigga.

My only regret of this week is that I didn't get to see Yale before I left. I'd just love to feel one of his hugs. I adore them, honestly.

I only bitch about him because I'm jealous.
Jealous & self-doubting.. that's me.

I'm looking forward to this trip. I'm going to attempt to get a monroe piercing.. that would be the cutest.

I want to take lots of photographs, of my family, of the shore, of Kirsten & my dad. They're the cutest couple. So cute & in love that it almost makes me sick, yet it doesn't, because I love them so much.

I could only aspire to be that happy.
However, something tells me that I eventually will be.

So, there.

Insult me & desert me.

Tue, 09 Aug 2005 23:16:05 GMT

Sex? I'll take it, merci.